i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
