kristin has been a bad kristin
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
