I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How external is "for external use only"?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize