No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
