He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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