His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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