I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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