my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
