And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
