my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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