My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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