He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
