Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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