So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
