that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
