i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
