Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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