Can Purell be used as lube?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
