Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
