I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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