it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
