Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
