K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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