i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
