We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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