We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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