Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
