Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
