I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I am one with the molecules
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
