and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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