I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize