I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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