I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
