I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
