hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
