ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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