so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Two words: blizzard sex
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
