oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
