Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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