So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
