You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
