matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
