I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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