Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
