Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
