i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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