I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Randomize
