Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
