He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
