Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
