u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
