A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
