people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
