If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
