i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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