Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
