I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
