finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
