right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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