Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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