I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
