Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
